note to self

There are no guarantees in life.

If I want things to happen I’m going to have to take some risks and I should know that by now.

Doesn’t make things any easier though.

I will never deserve you.

Never have I ever been more confident with a decision.
Never have I ever been more conflicted with a reaction.

And this is not even about success or failure anymore, it’s all about my heart and getting it right.

Surreal

It’s disorienting. Unreal.  Fantastic.  Dreamlike.  It’s surreal.  And I think that is going to be a theme for this season because it is truly unlike any other.

Honestly, a year ago, I would not have imagined things being the way they are now.  And a year from now, it’s all going to be completely different.  And it’s somewhat terrifying but it’s more exciting than anything.  Because I’m realizing that literally anything is possible with Christ.

And it gives me a bit of hope that I will not stay this way forever and I will end up growing up as slowly as it seems to happen.  Of course, I’m in no rush to grow up, but it would certainly be nice to have a good head on my shoulders.  Because with a heart as wicked and deceitful as mine there’s not much else to hope for.

There is a lot to learn.  And a lifetime to build on figuring this stuff out since my foundation is already laid.

it’s sweet

He is out there playing his guitar and it is just sweet.  It’s sweet to hear him practice songs that were written for one reason.  And sweet to hear him make new tunes up.  I’ve got that simple joy back and it’s for a multitude of reasons and honestly it’s here to stay.  And that is sweet.