I told myself I wouldn’t post after midnight, but I was just so restless.
And there are about 18 reasons why.
But the Word is like a refuge when I worry.
“Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you seems wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise.” 1 Cor. 3:18
The fact that I’m still not excellent at anything or passionate about anything is driving me absolutely insane. I really need to reevaluate what I put my time into. Even my so-called “down time” is not an excuse to do nothing. If I really want my skills to count for something, I need to invest every spare second into them. Get off social media and get a Biblical life, Gus. If I want to see Jesus do great things, I need to move. I honestly need to get up and do something worth doing.
It’s so amazing to see where He has brought me since 5 years ago, but if I am not progressing from this point, I am in trouble. I need to stop waiting here at a standstill. I need to shut up and commit. I need to get on my knees. I need to start praying. I need to do something worth doing. I have this idea of what I want in life and how I want to be a mentor, to disciple others, to serve on the mission field, to marry a man of God, to raise children that are sold out for the Lord, to adopt kids, to make an impact on the world, to serve, to be real. And these are good ambitions, but how hard am I working for them?
Am I content to sit around and tweet about all the minute little details of my life hoping they will add up to something, or am I more concerned about getting out and being Jesus’ hands and feet? I am passionate now about serving my family and investing into the next generation. I need to master both of those things before I expect anything else from Jesus. This is a lot of rambling, but it is my heart.
all you people who pretty much have your lives figured out for the next 5 years — i do not envy you.
4 For since the beginning of the world
Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear,
Nor has the eye seen any God besides You,
Who acts for the one who waits for Him.
5 You meet him who rejoices and does righteousness,
Who remembers You in Your ways.
You are indeed angry, for we have sinned—
In these ways we continue;
And we need to be saved.
6 But we are all like an unclean thing,
And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags;
We all fade as a leaf,
And our iniquities, like the wind,
Have taken us away.
I am completely humbled by these verses. I am finally catching on to what it means that my righteous acts look like filthy rags. It seems like I try so hard. Like I aim so high. And although I think I am acting in righteousness, in the name of holiness, in the truth, it would seem that I am acting utterly in the wrong, in my own selfishness, and in a lie. My righteous acts? They are filthy rags. Jesus’ righteous acts? Pure in the truest sense of the word.
As if my iniquities themselves were not bad enough, the worse news is, they, like the wind, have taken me away. Away from who I really want to be. Away from that humble character of Christ. I do not like the reputation I have made for myself. Yet, I continue in these ways. I guess I desperately need to be saved.
This is going to take a while.
I always seem to do the things I don’t want to.
And I never seem to do the things I ought to.
That needs to change.
